As a mum, I’m always looking for labels for my children – by which, I mean those iron-on / stick-on / sew-on type that give me about a 20% chance of getting back that expensive Sigg water bottle that my eldest son deliberately (I’m sure it’s deliberately – maybe accidentally the first five times, but subsequent times must be deliberate, right?) leaves on the bus or beach or bench.
As a mum, I can’t help but give my children labels as their personalities and character traits develop. The eldest is The Slapdash One. The Bright One. The Lazy One. Unfortunately, I may have mentioned the last epithet once or twice in the presence of this too-too-clever child (okay, I confess, I berated him bitterly and loudly for his lazy-ass ways). Now, he wears the Lazy Label with pride. He owns it. I ask him to tidy: “But, Mum, I’m too lazy, remember?”. I ask him if he wants to go for a bike ride rather than a spin round a Mario Galaxy: “Nah, can’t be bothered. You know I’m lazy, right?”
And as a Mumager, I’m now going to label my boys in the context of this blog.
Taking it from the top, Boy 1 (The Lazy One) will henceforth be known as Lead Vocal. Do not take this as any indication of the sweet harmonies of his voice. He sings like a strangled cat. But he deserves this name as his personal volume control button seems to be broken. This child doesn’t know how to whisper. He talks loudly ALL THE TIME (or so my frayed nerves believe). And yes, he talks over the top of his three younger brothers – he’s an interrupter, a contradictor, a naysayer. (More labels? Sue me for the therapy costs, son!)
Boy 2 – in real life, he is The Sensitive One, The Sweet One, The Sweet-toothed One – in blog-life, he shall now be known as Air Guitar. He doesn’t have the confidence to take the leading vocal role, but he’s a great wingman for his older brother. And there’s also a nod to his fantastic imagination. He’s never held a guitar in his life, but that won’t stop him acting it out. I love the world in his head.
Boy 3 – The Cheeky One, The Showman, but best known and loved as Wreck-it Ralph. He can just look at a new toy (or one of my prized possessions) and it breaks. But he’s always “weally sowwy”. So, that’s all right then. But, in this boy band of the future, this special child will be Drummer Boy. Nothing he likes better than banging and bashing (usually things that shouldn’t be banged and bashed) – add in a dash of that showmanship – he will be in his element behind an indestructible drum kit.
Boy 4 – The Little One, The Young One… what more can I say? At only 18-months-old, he hasn’t shown us his true colours yet. We’re not sure what his ultimate label will be. For the purposes of this blog, he will be the Michael Jackson of the group (circa 1970-something, before the weirdness began). He will be The Cute One. Any girl would be lucky to have a poster of this heartthrob on her wall.
I am, of course, the self-anointed Mumager of the still-developing boy band. And as for the proud father of this houseful of testosterone, let’s call him The Roadie. We will let him come on this trip with us, but he may find he has to do a bit of heavy lifting – and keep the fans at bay. Especially those girls who are going to want to run off with The Cute One.