The Lyrics of my Life – part 1

“Do NOT put that astronaut from Thailand up your nose!”

Have you ever strung some words together and thought: Since time immemorial, I bet no one else has ever put those particular words in that particular order. Maybe someone else admonished their child for putting an astronaut figurine in his ear? Or perhaps a marble in a nostril? I am even willing to admit the slim possibility of a spaceman from the USA being inserted into a nose… but surely the planets have never aligned to create an identical scenario anywhere, anytime, anywho? Only in my life.

I like to think I have moments of uniqueness, when a jumble of words that aren’t usually found in close proximity are tossed from my mouth to form elegant phrases as they land on the heads of my beautiful boys.

“Please don’t eat the gunk from your eye in public!” (Note the addition of “in public” – am I suggesting this behaviour is perfectly acceptable behind the barricaded doors of our asylum home?)

“Why did you hit your brother so hard on the bottom with the binoculars. Those things cost good money!” (I’m referring to the expense of the binoculars, not the buttocks.)

And sometimes, it’s just: “Wibble, schmibble, bongley-foogle!” This is either when I’m conversing with Drummer Boy in his invented language of Gong-Gong. Or after a particularly testing day when I’m reduced to rocking in a corner while sucking my thumb.

The great poets and lyricists that came before me – namely, Shakespeare, Springsteen and Sandra Boynton – perhaps drew on their own lives to pen unique lines like: “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”, “You’ve gotta learn to live with what you can’t rise above,” and “I want to be your personal penguin.” That’s what makes them so memorable.

I’m hoping that the songs I write for the Boy Band to sing in the future will also include quotable lines that will transport them back to their idyllic childhood, full of Thai astronauts and conjunctivitis (works in progress include: “One More Wipe Might Block The Toilet”, “No, I’m Not Trying For A Girl, Thank You,” and the traditional lullaby – and I think this one will be a chart-topper – “I’ll Give You Something To Cry About, Baby!”)

Of course, there might be a soppy love song or two on the first album, but I don’t suppose there’s anything original about “I Love You So Much I Don’t Mind The Smell Of Your Vomit!”

………………………………………………………..

So, what are the lyrics of your life? Those phrases that you make into Facebook status updates as soon as you’ve said them, because they are too good not to share with an audience?

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6 thoughts on “The Lyrics of my Life – part 1

  1. Eloquence as ever, Mumager! Perfect! I know those boys will be singing some amazing songs in the future – can’t wait to buy the album(s). Pretty soon you’ll be adding songs like, “I’m Floating on a Testosterone Cloud Over You” and “My Socks Smell Like Cornchips, But My Girlfriend Don’t Mind.”… Yay!

  2. Before you think you’ve coined a unique title, check the annals of country music! The following are already taken “You Can’t Have Your Kate and Edith Too”, “You’re the Reason Our Kids are So Ugly” and “I’ve Been Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart”. While Loretta Lynn and Johnny Cash are long gone and can’t object, I do believe that the majority of the Statler Brothers are extant.

    • Silly me! You’re right – there’s nothing new under the sun. I bet someone has already been barn-dancing to “Don’t put the astronaut from Thailand up your nose, because it’s time to take your partner by the hand, dozey-do and back again…”

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